Why I Like the Movies
I love watching movies in the theater. I am thrilled to pay $18-25 bucks (more if I pay online) to take my sweetie to the movies and pay $20 bucks for some popcorn and sickening syrupy coke. My sweetie really likes getting the bottled water for $4 dollars, she says "its exciting to pay so much" and it makes her feel "decadent". For me, the experience is really heightened by the half-hour to an hour of irritating commercials and silly nonsense that they play before the show. I find that they have a great calming effect and do a wonderful job of putting me in the mood to watch the show.
I especially like the commercials for the television programs. Who knew that I could get both television commercials and movie commercials at the same time and for such a reasonable price too!?!?!? Its really good to be reminded about all the truly wonderful television shows that are out there. Why without them, I would probably miss all those additional opportunities to be further educated about all the exciting products and services that the marketers have so thoughtfully selected for me!
And I don't know who thought it up, but kudos to whomever it was that decided to place the flatulent fat guy in front of me and the ceaselessly talking couple behind me. They were an excellent choice to distract me from the row of wiggly, whining kids with the constant coughs two rows up. How exciting it is to sit there and wonder while we wait for the mysterious illness we'll surely develop during the week. That's one of the best parts for sure. Who knows what it'll be this time? Last time it was malaria. My sweetie is hoping for dengue fever.
And then there's the best part. I know its incredible, but on top of all the value that I've already received just to this point, it gets even better! They turn down the lights and switch from the really sharp projector showing the commercials to the other projector for the movie that has that soft, slightly fuzzy look we both love so well. And the sound is conveniently lower too. Before it was just blaring when all the commercials were playing. I'm glad they are so thoughtful and turn it down for the movie. I wouldn't want to miss any of the comments from the audience or be distracted by the movie when the baby cries. Maybe this time we'll get really lucky and someone will be talking on their cell phone! I can only dream.
And the movies they show these days are great too. Man I love those movies. They're not like the old movies that were so... Unpredictable. Ha ha. I used to get so freaked-out by those. You never knew what was going to happen next-- sometimes those old movies had me sitting on the edge of my seat. Well, not anymore. Whew. Now days things are different. You might think you couldn't possibly guess the plot or what's going to happen next... But guess what? With today's movies, you really can!!! Oh man, what a thrill. I love knowing what's going to happen next. Its so reassuring.
And you know what else is reassuring? All those remakes of old movies. Yup, I gotta admit, that's one of the things that really makes it for me. Sure the originals were okay, but the remakes are just so-- oh, how can I describe it...?? Its like getting one of those cool new Rolex watches they sell on eBay for $15.95, or the genuine Gucci bags they make now in China-- I really like going to the theatre and not having to worry about the plot. I've seen it before and it was good then, so surely it will be good again now.
And you have to admit that its really nice of those movie people to tone down the movies a bit so I don't have think so hard. I'm such a guy... I like my action big, my adventure swashbuckling, my ladies buxom, and my plots-- ummm-- well, you don't really need the plot-- they just get in the way anyway. With all that other stuff, what do I need a plot for? And its really cool the way they can pump out movie after movie with the same effects and the same lines and the same actors. Man, oh man... They were excellent the first time I saw them and regardless of what my sweetie says, they're still great now!
And of course no theater experience would be complete without the ten-minute wait in line for the rest room. Just think of it-- ten whole minutes to stand there and revel in the sights and smells-- I love the scent of the pine-scented urinal cake. Its so refreshing. It reminds me of being out in the woods, up in the mountains, somewhere like Colorado or New Jersey. And I have to admit I get a lot of good exercise standing there hopping from leg to leg waiting to go. The really best part though is when its finally my turn and I get to stand in the puddle while I look down to see what the previous occupant left behind.
So when you put it all together, what the with scandalously low cost of admission, the ridiculously cheap prices at the concession stand, the crunchy trail of popcorn on the way into the theater, the thought of all of those wonderful, exciting people, the swell commercials, and the comfortably mediocre, non-challenging movie plots-- I don't know how anyone could deny the overwhelming value, emotional experience and obvious benefit of going to the movies versus sitting at home to watch the show. I know when I sit at home with my sweetie to see a movie on our own big screen settles in our own comfortable couch with the surround sound speakers-- its just not the same without all those giggly teenagers, the flatulent fat guy, or all the coughing kids. I just hate it when we have to pause the movie to get a snack or go to the bathroom. And the bathroom is so-- bland and normal-- where's the fun in that?
Yes indeed, the wisdom and benefit of going out to the movie is so overwhelmingly clear, only a cretinous moron, who incident's should not be confused with a movie executive, could deny the obvious. I don't know what's right for the rest of America, but I can say for certain that this correspondent knows a good value when he sees one. So folks, let's all give thought and consideration to the plight of the theaters. You might not realize it but its hard work being sleazy!
I'll see you at the movies!
I especially like the commercials for the television programs. Who knew that I could get both television commercials and movie commercials at the same time and for such a reasonable price too!?!?!? Its really good to be reminded about all the truly wonderful television shows that are out there. Why without them, I would probably miss all those additional opportunities to be further educated about all the exciting products and services that the marketers have so thoughtfully selected for me!
And I don't know who thought it up, but kudos to whomever it was that decided to place the flatulent fat guy in front of me and the ceaselessly talking couple behind me. They were an excellent choice to distract me from the row of wiggly, whining kids with the constant coughs two rows up. How exciting it is to sit there and wonder while we wait for the mysterious illness we'll surely develop during the week. That's one of the best parts for sure. Who knows what it'll be this time? Last time it was malaria. My sweetie is hoping for dengue fever.
And then there's the best part. I know its incredible, but on top of all the value that I've already received just to this point, it gets even better! They turn down the lights and switch from the really sharp projector showing the commercials to the other projector for the movie that has that soft, slightly fuzzy look we both love so well. And the sound is conveniently lower too. Before it was just blaring when all the commercials were playing. I'm glad they are so thoughtful and turn it down for the movie. I wouldn't want to miss any of the comments from the audience or be distracted by the movie when the baby cries. Maybe this time we'll get really lucky and someone will be talking on their cell phone! I can only dream.
And the movies they show these days are great too. Man I love those movies. They're not like the old movies that were so... Unpredictable. Ha ha. I used to get so freaked-out by those. You never knew what was going to happen next-- sometimes those old movies had me sitting on the edge of my seat. Well, not anymore. Whew. Now days things are different. You might think you couldn't possibly guess the plot or what's going to happen next... But guess what? With today's movies, you really can!!! Oh man, what a thrill. I love knowing what's going to happen next. Its so reassuring.
And you know what else is reassuring? All those remakes of old movies. Yup, I gotta admit, that's one of the things that really makes it for me. Sure the originals were okay, but the remakes are just so-- oh, how can I describe it...?? Its like getting one of those cool new Rolex watches they sell on eBay for $15.95, or the genuine Gucci bags they make now in China-- I really like going to the theatre and not having to worry about the plot. I've seen it before and it was good then, so surely it will be good again now.
And you have to admit that its really nice of those movie people to tone down the movies a bit so I don't have think so hard. I'm such a guy... I like my action big, my adventure swashbuckling, my ladies buxom, and my plots-- ummm-- well, you don't really need the plot-- they just get in the way anyway. With all that other stuff, what do I need a plot for? And its really cool the way they can pump out movie after movie with the same effects and the same lines and the same actors. Man, oh man... They were excellent the first time I saw them and regardless of what my sweetie says, they're still great now!
And of course no theater experience would be complete without the ten-minute wait in line for the rest room. Just think of it-- ten whole minutes to stand there and revel in the sights and smells-- I love the scent of the pine-scented urinal cake. Its so refreshing. It reminds me of being out in the woods, up in the mountains, somewhere like Colorado or New Jersey. And I have to admit I get a lot of good exercise standing there hopping from leg to leg waiting to go. The really best part though is when its finally my turn and I get to stand in the puddle while I look down to see what the previous occupant left behind.
So when you put it all together, what the with scandalously low cost of admission, the ridiculously cheap prices at the concession stand, the crunchy trail of popcorn on the way into the theater, the thought of all of those wonderful, exciting people, the swell commercials, and the comfortably mediocre, non-challenging movie plots-- I don't know how anyone could deny the overwhelming value, emotional experience and obvious benefit of going to the movies versus sitting at home to watch the show. I know when I sit at home with my sweetie to see a movie on our own big screen settles in our own comfortable couch with the surround sound speakers-- its just not the same without all those giggly teenagers, the flatulent fat guy, or all the coughing kids. I just hate it when we have to pause the movie to get a snack or go to the bathroom. And the bathroom is so-- bland and normal-- where's the fun in that?
Yes indeed, the wisdom and benefit of going out to the movie is so overwhelmingly clear, only a cretinous moron, who incident's should not be confused with a movie executive, could deny the obvious. I don't know what's right for the rest of America, but I can say for certain that this correspondent knows a good value when he sees one. So folks, let's all give thought and consideration to the plight of the theaters. You might not realize it but its hard work being sleazy!
I'll see you at the movies!
Labels: Really Old Posts
posted by JWhitten at 3:49 AM
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